i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
