My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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