If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
