One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
