my mouth tastes like poor choices
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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