There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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