Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize