her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
