it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize