i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
