last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
