Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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