Porn is love you can see.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even my farts smell like vagina
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
