Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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