The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
