i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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