Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
