I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
