I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
