I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
