Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
