How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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