there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to make out with him forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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