im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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