kristin has been a bad kristin
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
