THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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