if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
