i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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