I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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