dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Life is so much better after having sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
