ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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