Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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