i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
