they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
