I wish my penis had an off switch
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
