she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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