If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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