He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
