roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
