Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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