My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
