I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
