if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize