i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
