just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
