Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
