I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
People in love make me want to vomit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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