Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
