i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
