$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
