marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
