God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
