I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
