RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
