Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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