On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
