i just had sex bonerless
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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