glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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