We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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