I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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