That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
