i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
