he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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