Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
