dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
