hotel room ftw
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
