I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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