Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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