So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
