I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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