If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize