UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize