Umm I'm too high to move.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize