you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
