it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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