I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize