genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
