Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
