yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
