Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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