Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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