we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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