I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize