He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
