Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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