Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I just sharted jello shots
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