that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
