he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
