I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize