Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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