so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
