if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
