Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
