I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
