just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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