My friends, they love my intelligence
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
