So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
