I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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