my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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