you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came in the potted fern
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
third nipple confirmed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
