i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
