Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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