Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
