here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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