Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
