I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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