New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
